How I will kill myself next summer
Note: This post has, bizarrely, gotten a lot of search engine hits from terms like “gay and want to kill myself”. To those of you who found this post that way: Hang on for a second! Email me through the Contact form above if you want to tell me what’s going on–I’ll respond.
I used to have no balance whatsoever as a kid. Suddenly, as an adult, I’ve learned some, probably from using my K2 “kick two” kickboard for a while (can’t give you a link, K2 has sold them to Micro or something, and the Micro site seems to only have the old version; if you’re lucky you can find one on eBay). The kickboard is great and I adore it, but I’m fascinated by the idea that I could do without that pole, that I’ve somehow mastered something sports-like. So now I’m looking at boards. Freaky boards. Because I won’t be doing tricks, but I want a compact way to move around on sidewalks. Bikes are out because my reaction time is so slow I’ll be flat under a truck in a week. Here are some likely candidates:
Stowboard: Looks like fun because you can fold it up, or use it as a mini hand-truck for heavy luggage. Unfortunately, it apparently weighs a decent amount all by itself. Still, tempting for its compactness, and surprisingly, “a smooth ride” according to one review.
LoadedBoards: Squishy, bouncy ride, interesting shapes and wheel formations. Very pretty and well-engineered. You can choose from different stiffnesses to find the right one for your bodyweight. One of them is half Flowboard, half “fish”. However, they are long, and I hate to lug something big around that’s supposed to make transportation easier. I should be able to carry it in one hand, or even better, attached to a backpack? Apparently the Fish model would suit city transportation best. Wheels are not covered by the deck, though, which means nasty catching on foot while kicking could result.
Waveboard: I think this is pretty wishful thinking for me. This thing’s only got two wheels, and they move independently of each other. You sort of wiggle/ski/surf around to move, and apparently it’s quite a workout. Death awaits. In style.
Arbor Bamboo Pocket Rocket: Longboard features, pocket-sized. Might be fantastic, might be like trying to skate with a bar of soap attached to one foot. Physics does limit my quest for compactness–if the thing is TOO small, it might be too little to balance on. Very pretty though…can’t really pull off the whole skull-and-monster graphics until I can move on these things without looking like I’m constipated.
I’ve also started experimenting with building my own, using longboard wheels and trucks on a short board. At the moment, it’s got 80mm wheels, Randall trucks, and 1/2″ risers, which makes for a very high deck, but wheel bite is a problem. The deck is as wide as the trucks + the wheels, but quite short (28.5″ x 10.0″). I’m tempted to get rid of the risers, maybe get lower trucks, and make cut-outs in the deck for the wheels. Maybe “wheel covers” hammered out of copper to prevent my foot from hitting the wheels through the cut-outs. I’m sure that sounds insane, but this is my jeweler’s backround coming in. I’ve got the workshop and the tools, so why not? More after the link.
Update: Got rid of the risers, because it was just way too high, about 14 cm off the ground. Now it’s about 12. Much better, but slight wheel bite. I could beltsand this problem away. Took it outside to try it out. Very smooth ride! Fast as hell. However, very wobbly too. Bad speed wobbles. Also width makes it difficult to kick without feeling a bit off-balance. This might also be because I’m used to the very skinny kickboard.
1. Harder truck “springs”.
2. Narrower board + trucks? Wheel bite problem. Cut-outs + covers? Also narrower trucks are shorter, need risers.
3. This particular board model has a rather long tail, not very useful considering the wheels are so heavy. Cut it off?
4. And. Um. Yes. More skill.